Thursday, March 28, 2019
The snowball effect: Bipolar Parenting
The snowball effect: Bipolar Parenting: As a mother of three, wife to one, and friend to many, it can often be hard to keep up with the house, important school dates, and relation...
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
Bipolar Parenting
As a mother of three, wife to one, and friend to many, it can often be hard to keep up with the house, important school dates, and relationships, all while trying to keep my head above water. Sure, many parents have it even harder with more kids, more activities, split parenting, and the pressures of jobs on top of it, but for me it goes beyond the surface...
BIPOLAR PARENTING
What is that you may ask? Maybe you related as soon as you saw the title of this blog. Maybe you are thinking, I wonder if I "have that"... Wherever you're at, know that you're not alone.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago, which was a blessing in a strange way. I was so angry, constantly yelling at my kids, so full of hatred for people and life. My husband is the most patient man I know. He put up with my behavior with grace. I lashed out at him in every way possible. I was a terrible wife and a less than stellar mother. I started counseling with a couple dear friends and before long it became evident that my emotions were much deeper than anger. They suggested that I talk to my doctor and sure enough, with very little discussion, the doctor agreed with their conclusion. He had been seeing me for several years and was familiar with my ups and downs, but didn't realize it spread throughout to my day to day life.
Of course, I realize that this is a life long disorder that can be managed but not cured by medication, but I was relieved to know that I wasn't simply a horrible person. People who knew me then would likely say that I'm not capable of being mean or moody, but that's because I hid it from nearly everyone in my life besides my family. My family, including parents and siblings, were the unfortunate beneficiaries of my outbursts and bad attitude. However, now I had a reason behind my behavior. I now knew that I could at least work on controlling my emotions better.
Let me tell you though, medication alone is not the fix. I've been through so many medications, counseling sessions, classes that forced me to look within and work on me, etc. Those have all been extremely beneficial to me, but it doesn't fix the problem. As well as my meds help me out, I still find myself in lows that seem to come out of nowhere.
I can be on a high for 2-3 weeks, then suddenly sink down into a low that lasts 10 days-2 weeks. Unfortunately there isn't an alert that goes out to my friends and family letting them know that Lisa is tanking. I don't even realize it until I'm in the thick of it some days. I've gotten better, but just because I know it's there doesn't mean I can somehow get out of it.
This leads me to the bipolar parenting part. I know I'm not alone when I say that I confuse my kids all the time. They aren't quite capable of understanding hormonal imbalances, life circumstances, and emotional upheaval. I find myself being short and snippy, too tired to listen to them, too depressed to cook or clean, and way too low to even try to communicate with my husband. My kids are troopers who have navigated my emotional roller coaster for years, but that doesn't make it easier to put them through this, even though it is unintentional.
One day I'm playing outside with them, chasing them around the house, and cuddling them to the point of excessive attention. The next day I can hide out in my room and ask the 13 year old to make dinner and clean up the house. Is it fair that they have to go through this with me?
In the coming blogs I want to be real about the ups and down that come with bipolar parenting.
These are real issues and daily struggles for so many. If you relate, please follow my blog for updates.
Talk soon,
Lisa
BIPOLAR PARENTING
What is that you may ask? Maybe you related as soon as you saw the title of this blog. Maybe you are thinking, I wonder if I "have that"... Wherever you're at, know that you're not alone.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago, which was a blessing in a strange way. I was so angry, constantly yelling at my kids, so full of hatred for people and life. My husband is the most patient man I know. He put up with my behavior with grace. I lashed out at him in every way possible. I was a terrible wife and a less than stellar mother. I started counseling with a couple dear friends and before long it became evident that my emotions were much deeper than anger. They suggested that I talk to my doctor and sure enough, with very little discussion, the doctor agreed with their conclusion. He had been seeing me for several years and was familiar with my ups and downs, but didn't realize it spread throughout to my day to day life.
Of course, I realize that this is a life long disorder that can be managed but not cured by medication, but I was relieved to know that I wasn't simply a horrible person. People who knew me then would likely say that I'm not capable of being mean or moody, but that's because I hid it from nearly everyone in my life besides my family. My family, including parents and siblings, were the unfortunate beneficiaries of my outbursts and bad attitude. However, now I had a reason behind my behavior. I now knew that I could at least work on controlling my emotions better.
Let me tell you though, medication alone is not the fix. I've been through so many medications, counseling sessions, classes that forced me to look within and work on me, etc. Those have all been extremely beneficial to me, but it doesn't fix the problem. As well as my meds help me out, I still find myself in lows that seem to come out of nowhere.
I can be on a high for 2-3 weeks, then suddenly sink down into a low that lasts 10 days-2 weeks. Unfortunately there isn't an alert that goes out to my friends and family letting them know that Lisa is tanking. I don't even realize it until I'm in the thick of it some days. I've gotten better, but just because I know it's there doesn't mean I can somehow get out of it.
This leads me to the bipolar parenting part. I know I'm not alone when I say that I confuse my kids all the time. They aren't quite capable of understanding hormonal imbalances, life circumstances, and emotional upheaval. I find myself being short and snippy, too tired to listen to them, too depressed to cook or clean, and way too low to even try to communicate with my husband. My kids are troopers who have navigated my emotional roller coaster for years, but that doesn't make it easier to put them through this, even though it is unintentional.
One day I'm playing outside with them, chasing them around the house, and cuddling them to the point of excessive attention. The next day I can hide out in my room and ask the 13 year old to make dinner and clean up the house. Is it fair that they have to go through this with me?
In the coming blogs I want to be real about the ups and down that come with bipolar parenting.
- How do the kids handle me?
- How does my husband find it in him to be supportive?
- Suicide
- Support systems needed
- Personal relationships
- Vulnerability
For resources regarding children/teens with mental health concerns, click here
Talk soon,
Lisa
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