WHAT NOW?
The news has been consumed with stories of men in high places being accused of behaviors involving sexual misconduct, leaving victims of sexual assault/abuse/misconduct, and inappropriate flirting feeling a bit overwhelmed and confused.
As a victim of sexual assault, I find myself becoming very emotional at the news of man after man falling from their ivory tower of control. The one that got me is Matt Lauer. I am an avid viewer of the Today Show. Everyone has their faults, but I enjoyed watching Matt over the years. I was shocked and extremely disappointed to hear that he had wielded his power over women for years. I felt betrayed.
Betrayed? Really Lisa? You don't even know the man...
Well, here's the thing. We all have people that we admire or that become part of our daily lives in some form. It can be a friend, teacher, boss, neighbor, youth leader, or television personality. Regardless of the depth of the relationship, a pattern of trust and expectation is formed over time. Hearing about Matt threw me. I was angry with him because he wasn't who I thought he was. (sad but true)
In my case, I am still grieving the loss of the idea I had about the people in my cases. Yes, cases. I thought I could trust them. I thought I was safe. That was a lie.
How many of us have realized that someone is not who they portray themselves to be? Probably most of us. This story brought up so many emotions for me. For me, this story specifically hit close to my heart and caused me to evaluate people in my life all over again. Maybe I can't trust anyone. Maybe the people who are seemingly kind, charismatic, and intelligent are the ones who will likely betray our trust at some point. Are they also grooming ones to be susceptible to their advances in the future? Are we being baited by the snowball that starts as goofing off, then becomes dirty comments, then becomes inappropriate touching, then full out assault? Will we be "snowballed"?
I think about the guys/men over the years that I have been around, and worked with, that have flirted with me, made sexual comments, or touched me inappropriately, and I am conflicted. I went to HR/leadership in two cases and nothing was done to protect me. The men were either "spoken to" or not dealt with at all. I was made to feel like it was either my fault or being blown out of proportion.
Will all of these firings in the news actually bring change? For the companies in the public eye, yes, change is happening. However, what about the small town people who have nobody to hold them accountable? If young men and women like myself find their voice and speak up will they be greeted with the same "open door" responses from their bosses? Or...will it be overlooked because it was the first time? Or...is the person in question too valuable to the company to loose, so they brush it off as a "misunderstanding"?
How is the everyday hard working person supposed to feel safe and confident enough to stand up for his/her self when there is not a public spotlight on their situation? How do we identify simple banter from flirting? How do we know when something is worth reporting? If we say we were forced into something will we be labeled as "weak" or "too sensitive"?
Is there a gray area that is okay to reside in or is it always black and white? Does anyone have the answer? I'd like to know. I'm thrilled that this conversation is happening, but if action is not taken for the "little guy", what good does it do?
People in politics and Hollywood are being exposed and called to take responsibility, but who will call for the same in the small rural towns of this great nation? Me? You?
I'm curious to hear your stories. What have you encountered? How have you handled it? Does the news trigger emotions for you?
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